Dating in the 2020s

I have been doing a bit of anthropological research these past few days. The aim of my research is to see if anyone would buy a subscription to join a community of people who are interested in ‘ditching the apps’ and meeting people who would like to date in real life without this whole online waste of time and effort.

The results of my study have so far been quite sobering. I reached out to a segment of my network. Out of that group (n=12) more than half have simply given up on dating altogether. They gave up years ago.

One person said that they have dated some nice people this year, and is still looking for their special someone. The rest of the respondents haven’t been on any dates this year.

One gave more information about the different prerogatives between the genders, and another said that people often dismissed them due to a rather superficial idea of ‘what people should look like.’

I must say that the data has piqued my interest. It has also reminded me how much I love doing qualitative research.

Discussion

If a proportion of society has simply ‘given up’ on dating, that feels like a break down in a part of our social fabric.

Is it simply the ‘apps’, or are there other sociological processes that are driving us apart?

It feels like a bit of a delicate subject if I am honest. Because to work in this area would risk the possibility of getting people’s ‘hopes up’ that they might find someone to love.

Would building an ‘ecology’ of singles who would like to meet other singles feel contrived? The examples I have seen of in-person dating that I have observed in my city seem pretty tacky if I am honest.

And yet, I know how energising it can be to feel ‘chemistry’ with someone in a face to face context. I would love other people to have that opportunity.

I am wondering if building a community of local singles could be done in a way that felt natural and organic. What would be fun?

The bottom line is that the value that leads to a relationship is ‘connection’ and if people focus on that, rather than some goal of an official relationship, they could enjoy the process of being single a lot more (I think).

Conclusion

It is an interesting topic of research in its own right. An increase in romantic isolation has been discussed through a number of different sociological lenses in the media.

It also feels like a worthwhile concept to devote some more energy to. I feel like getting my thinking cap on would not be a complete waste of time and energy. My recent work in support work has made me realise how strong and tender bonds can certainly form between people who engage purposefully with each other repeatedly over time.

Again, it has me thinking – what would be fun?